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‘I feel the loss of that, I really do.’ When they try to talk, it quickly escalates into a Mexican standoff: who’s to say what’s valid?

I invite Lily to consider that what excites Dan is precisely that the women in his fantasies are not real.

What exactly is this burgeoning genre, you might ask?

I remember a lot of the sites that popped up in the search results were sites based in Japan, and took forever to load, even by the standards of my trusty external 28.8 BPS modem.

Another reliable source for digital self abuse was in old school AOL chat rooms.

Lily has accidentally discovered pornography on her husband Dan’s computer, and she’s furious. Rather, ‘it’s one with yourself.’ Whereas with the secretary at work, say, there is a more active engagement with the fantasy; it is more transgressive, more real, a more concrete seductive fantasy that could become reality. Now she attributes her resistance to domestic worries.

I want affection and actually feel ready for sex but physically can't at the moment but does that excuse porn?

I expect my husband to understand things from my point of view rather than heading for the computer!